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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the safe haven for daily publications, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, particularly within football. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college for toilet purposes during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered through the school acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team post a quick discussion within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|