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Encountering denial, notably when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is turning you down, giving a clear “No.” Being an author, I am no stranger to rejection. I started submitting manuscripts half a century past, just after finishing university. Since then, I have had multiple books declined, along with nonfiction proposals and numerous short stories. In the last two decades, concentrating on personal essays, the denials have only increased. Regularly, I get a rejection frequently—adding up to in excess of 100 times a year. In total, denials throughout my life run into thousands. By now, I could claim a PhD in handling no’s.

However, is this a woe-is-me tirade? Absolutely not. Because, now, at 73 years old, I have embraced being turned down.

How Did I Achieve This?

For perspective: At this point, nearly everyone and others has rejected me. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—that would be deeply dispiriting.

For example: not long ago, an editor nixed 20 articles in a row before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, no fewer than 50 editors vetoed my memoir proposal before a single one accepted it. Subsequently, 25 agents rejected a nonfiction book proposal. An editor suggested that I send articles less often.

The Steps of Setback

In my 20s, each denial hurt. I felt attacked. It was not just my work was being turned down, but who I am.

No sooner a manuscript was rejected, I would begin the phases of denial:

• First, disbelief. Why did this occur? How could they be blind to my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Surely they rejected the mistake? Perhaps it’s an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can any of you know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my work? They’re foolish and the magazine is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, irritation at them, then anger at myself. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably accompanied by optimism). What does it require you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m not talented. Additionally, I’ll never be accomplished.

I experienced this over many years.

Great Examples

Certainly, I was in good company. Accounts of creators whose manuscripts was originally turned down are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was originally turned down. Since they did overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his youth squad. The majority of US presidents over the past six decades had earlier failed in races. The filmmaker claims that his Rocky screenplay and desire to star were declined repeatedly. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and keep moving, instead of giving up,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

Later, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I entered the final phase of setback. Acceptance. Today, I more clearly see the multiple factors why a publisher says no. Firstly, an editor may have just published a like work, or have one in the pipeline, or just be considering that idea for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or the editor thinks I am not qualified or standing to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the content I am offering. Maybe was busy and reviewed my piece hastily to appreciate its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Any work can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is almost little you can do about it. Some explanations for denial are always beyond your control.

Within Control

Additional reasons are within it. Honestly, my ideas and work may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the idea I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or an aspect about my writing style, particularly commas, was unacceptable.

The point is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve published two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, another, a autobiography, at older—and more than 1,000 articles. Those pieces have been published in newspapers big and little, in diverse sources. My debut commentary was published when I was 26—and I have now contributed to many places for five decades.

Yet, no bestsellers, no book signings at major stores, no spots on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily accept no at this stage, because my, humble accomplishments have cushioned the blows of my frequent denials. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Instructive Rejection

Denial can be educational, but when you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will probably just keep taking rejection the wrong way. So what lessons have I gained?

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